Domestic Abuse Services - Our Lady of Good Counsel Society

Our Values

Compassion: We believe in the unconditional love and non-judgmental acceptance of each other as embodied in the teachings of Jesus. With this attitude, we are committed to help others realize the potential they possess to choose life.

Safety: We believe in the Judeo-Christian traditions which call for hospitality and sanctuary as a clear ethical mandate for ministry in the face of family violence. Mindful of the risks to the safety of the members, we exercise accountability to personal, organizational and legal limits of our mission.

Understanding: We believe that knowledge of the dynamics of domestic abuse using the lens of power and control will allow us to respond to domestic abuse situations using equality and respect in promoting non-violence.

Confidentiality: We believe that we hold each person’s story in sacred trust and
share only when appropriate and with permission. We intend to use communication discretely as a means to help persons resolve domestic abuse circumstances, preventing further harm and protecting others from abuse.

Hope: We believe in professing the Resurrection of Jesus Christ with the certainty that by envisioning a future based on grace, hope will encourage an optimistic sense and resolution of abusive situations. We will help a person in choosing options and opportunities that offer healthy relationships.

WHAT IS DOMESTIC ABUSE?

"Domestic abuse" refers to the violence or mistreatment that a woman or a man may experience at the hands of a marital, common-law or same-sex partner. It may happen at any time during a relationship, including while it is breaking down, or after it has ended. Abuse is about one person having power over another to get what one wants.

There are many different forms of domestic abuse, and a person may be subjected to more than one form of abuse.

Physical abuse may consist of just one incident or it may happen repeatedly. It includes using physical force in a way that injures someone - or puts them at risk of being injured- including beating, hitting, shaking, pushing, choking, biting, burning, kicking, or assaulting with a weapon. Other forms of physical abuse may include, for example, rough handling, confinement, or any dangerous or harmful use of force or restraint.

Sexual abuse and exploitation includes all forms of sexual assault, sexual harassment or sexual exploitation. Forcing someone to participate in unwanted, unsafe or degrading sexual activity, or using ridicule or other tactics to try to denigrate, control or limit their sexuality or reproductive choices is sexual abuse.

Emotional abuse includes verbal attacks, such as yelling, screaming and name-calling. Using criticism, verbal threats, social isolation, intimidation or exploitation to dominate another person are other forms of emotional abuse. Criminal harassment or "stalking" may include threatening a person or their loved ones, damaging their possessions, or harming their pets.

Economic or financial abuse includes stealing from or defrauding a partner. Withholding money that is necessary to buy food or medical treatment, manipulating or exploiting a person for financial gain, denying them access to financial resources, or preventing them from working (or controlling their choice of occupation) are also forms of economic abuse.

Spiritual abuse includes using a person's religious or spiritual beliefs to manipulate, dominate or control them. It may include preventing someone from engaging in spiritual or religious practices, or ridiculing their beliefs.

Abusive partners may use a number of different tactics to try to exert power and control over their victim. Abuse is a misuse of power and a violation of trust. The abuse may happen once, or it may occur in a repeated and escalating pattern over a period of months or years. The abuse may change form over time.

Many cases of domestic abuse are still not reported to the police - although there are some signs that reporting is increasing. The most complete information about the extent of domestic abuse in Canada comes from the 1999 General Social Survey on Victimization (GSS). This victimization survey asked almost 26,000 women and men in Canada about their experiences of abuse including experiences of violence and emotional abuse in their current or previous marriages and common law partnerships. According to the GSS, women and men experience similar rates of both violence and emotional abuse in their relationships. The survey found, however, that the violence experienced by women tends to be more severe - and more often repeated - than the violence directed at men. For example, compared to men, women were:

six times more likely to report being sexually assaulted

five times more likely to report being choked

five times more likely to require medical attention, as a result of an assault

three times more likely to be physically injured by an assault

more than twice as likely to report being beaten

almost twice as likely to report being threatened with, or having a gun or knife used against them

much more likely to fear for their lives, or be afraid for their children as a result of the violence

more likely to have sleeping problems, suffer depression or anxiety attacks, or have lowered self-esteem as a result of being abused, and

more likely to report repeated victimization.¹

Some researchers have noted that the survey also found that women experience higher levels of certain types of emotional abuse. Compared to men, women:

were four times more likely to report being threatened, harmed, or having someone close to them threatened or harmed

were four times more likely to report being denied access to family income

were more than twice as likely to report having their property damaged or their possessions destroyed

reported a higher incidence of being isolated from family and friends, and

reported a higher rate of name-calling and put downs.

Homicide data reveals that women are also at higher risk of being killed by their husbands. In the past two decades, three times as many wives were killed by their husbands, as husbands killed by wives. The rate of spousal homicide is much higher for Aboriginal women and men.

No national data on the prevalence of domestic abuse in same-sex relationships is available; however, there is a growing body of research that indicates that abuse is a serious problem among both lesbian and gay couples.

1. (Adapted with permission from the web site www.canada.justice.gc.ca)